How to Support a Loved One Who Is Starting Therapy

Someone you care about has decided to start counseling. You want to help, but you may be unsure what to ask or how involved to be. You might also have hopes about what therapy will change.

SAMHSA recommends listening with kindness and asking how a person would like support. That is a useful place to begin when a loved one is taking this step. The help they want may be simpler and more specific than you expected.

Ask what would make the first step easier

You could say, “Would help with the logistics be useful, or would you rather handle that yourself?” They may want help finding appointment information, arranging a ride, or having time free from another responsibility.

Offer something you can realistically provide and let them decide whether to accept. Before looking up providers or making plans on their behalf, check that they want that involvement.

If they are nervous about the appointment, my article on what to expect during a first counseling session may answer some initial questions.

Let them choose what to share afterward

A check-in can be simple: “How are you doing after the appointment?” You can also ask whether they want company, a meal, or some quiet time.

They may want to talk about a session, or they may want to keep it private. Leave room for either response. If they share something, listen before deciding that advice is needed.

Questions about a clinician's confidentiality policy or possible involvement by family belong in a conversation with that clinician and the person receiving care. NIMH recommends asking therapists about confidentiality and its limits.

Keep your hopes separate from their treatment goals

You may hope that a loved one becomes less withdrawn, communicates differently, or handles conflict more easily. Those concerns can matter in your relationship. Therapy also needs to address the goals they discuss with their provider.

Consider talking directly about one relationship need rather than making it an assignment for their next session. For example, “I would like us to agree on how we handle plans changing at the last minute” gives you a shared issue to discuss.

Try to leave room for their own account of what they are working on.

Make follow-up supportive and predictable

Ask whether a later check-in would be welcome. If they agree, choose a reasonable time instead of asking for updates repeatedly.

Progress may be difficult to describe, and a person may still have hard days while receiving care. You can acknowledge the effort of attending without asking them to demonstrate a particular result after each appointment.

A familiar activity together can be useful too. Their life still includes interests, humor, work, and ordinary conversation.

Pay attention to your own capacity

You may have concerns that deserve a separate place to discuss. Keep offers of help within what you can sustain, and seek your own support when needed.

My article on caregiver stress explores the strain of supporting someone over time.

Adults seeking individual counseling for their own concerns in El Paso can view my Headway profile to check availability and request an appointment.

Further reading

SAMHSA: Talking With Someone About Getting Help and NIMH: Psychotherapies.